Her Mother's Daughter...

It's so odd the things that you discover about your child -- things that you KNOW are nature and not nurture.

For example - Izz is kind of a dare devil. She likes to climb up, fly in her Daddy's arms, and ride rides (no matter how fast, circular, or bumpy).  We first got a glimpse of this when I took her on the kiddie roller coaster at the county fair last year ... and this past weekend we got a chance to go to Sea World (for free, thank goodness) and she had a field day on the Sesame Street Place rides.   Daniel couldn't get on them (he had a bad tea-cup experience as a child.. and can't stand those rides), so, I went on with her.  I'm the perfect choice since I love a good rollercoaster.. but, three in a row was even too much for me.  "More" is all Izz said.   Yup, we went home from the hospital with the right kid. 
On the way home - her Daddy gave her a personal ride... she squeeled all the way to the car.

Daddy's rides are always the best

You can't always have your way!


By the title -- I actually mean myself.

When Izz was a baby, we would just plop her into the carseat and go on our way. She was totally portable. When she got older, we were able to divert her attention and still be on our way. But, now that she's a full fledged 2 year old - she has opinions (and now that she can talk pretty well - she can express those opinions pretty loudly).. and often they don't match ours. Of course, we are the parents.. so, if it's important -- we do get our way. But, sometimes (like today) - we should possibly listen to her.

Today we went to swimming class, and then a few hours at the zoo. She started her nap in the car, and then we transferred to the crib. When she woke up, I thought, "cool! She has woken up in time for us to go to the theatre and participate in the tech dinner." But, she woke up grumpy, because her nap was too short. She didn't want to get dressed, put on shoes, walk out the house. We finally got her going - but, truly.. we should have just stayed at home and let her chill and eaten dinner in a more quiet environment. It was already a big day for her.

When we got to the dinner, she was really cross. She didn't want us to eat, she didn't want to eat - and we really only got her to sit when we offered her cheesecake (which we called Ice Cream - cause she doesn't know what cheesecake is - and really.. what's the difference?). We also (in our infinite wisdom) took the dog with us.. so, you can imagine how enjoyable this dinner was. After about 45 minutes, she became herself and we were back on track. BUT - did we really need to be there? Nope. Did we put our own wants in front of her needs. Yes.

I realize we'll be learning this lesson over and over as she gets older.

When you are a parent - You can't always have your way!

This picture is old - she's only 12 months old here -
but, it's the only I have of her crying.  After one crying picture,
you never take another!



Marriage - here and there.

Congratulations New York... you've just voted to let human beings marry each other.

Truly, I'm thrilled it passed in New York. But, I can't help but be a little peeved at the United States as a whole. Why is it up to the more liberal states to pass this law when it really should be a federal law!

Why are Daniel and I allowed to get married, when Bea and Gretchen cannot? They have a beautiful little toddler like we do-- and they have been together for 10 years longer than we have. Yet, these two educated, consenting adults until today were not allowed to get married.

Why is marriage so important? Well.. com'on.. you know all the reasons: There's the whole legal thing, the whole property right thing, the rights issues, the parenting issues.. etc etc etc.. You all know the drill.

But, for me - it goes deeper. It's a human right. Human beings should be allowed to marry another consenting adult human being. No matter what sex.

I thought we were over that whole - one person is allowed more human rights than another crap.

And to that - I say: Congratulations New York! Now... let's get the Supreme Court and the White House on board.

FIRST BLOOD: The One Year Old Check Up....

Terrified about getting through this....But something tells me this blood drawing is going to be harder on us than on them.....they will be scared and it will sting for a second, but we will be right there to hold them and tell them we love them and that it's ok, and it will be over in a second. And then we can scoop them up after, hold them, dry their tears, and make it all ok again -- that's our job.

BUT we will have to try and hold back our urge to smack the nurse's hand away and not say -- "GET away from my baby!!!!!" It is SO hard to watch them in pain, it's insane. When Molly bumps her head and she looks at me like "What just happened to me? And why didn't you stop it??" -- uch it kills me inside a little. But they recover SO quickly it's a blessing. As for us, we might need a little more comforting till we feel better.

We are parents of 1 year olds now - we can take it!!!!

Why I'm glad the Internet wasn't around when I was a kid

When I was a kid, I was the victim of bullying.  It started in Peru, where I was a target because I was Jewish and very awkward.  I remember slander on the blackboards and having to pay other girls to be my friend with stickers and American candy.

I was thrilled to move to the United States; there I would make friends and escape being ridiculed.   When I got here, I was the perfect target again -- this time because I was awkward, didn't understand American customs and because I barely spoke English.  I would ride my bike home, throw myself on the bed and cry.  There were moments, when I seriously wondered if it might be better to just end it all.  Thankfully, I stuck it out. Junior High School was 100 % better.  More friends, still teasing, but, I was able to escape it.. and as I learned to adapt (and learned how to get rid of my accent) in this country, I became less of a target.  High School was again 100% better - and I grew confident in my ability to make friends (good ones that I could call when I had problems - friends that last a lifetime).. and even though I was heavy.... I stopped being teased for my weight.   College, again better, and I have to tell you that life since just keeps getting more exciting, challenging and yes, better.


But, when I think back to that little girl who moved to the United States in elementary School -- I am so very grateful that the internet was not around!  These days, a kid can't escape bullying by just going home and throwing themselves on their bed -- between Facebook, Twitter, Texting, cell phones, etc...  bullying has taken on a whole new level of gruesomeness.  How are kids to find a safe place when they are bombarded from every angle?  I really don't know... But, I do hope that as adults who got a taste of what they are going through (because truly -- I can't even imagine the degree of bullying that is now possible), we keep our eyes open and stay diligent around the kids in our lives.

My hope is also that those same kids who see themselves attacked by bullies on the internet also turn to the internet to find comfort.  The "It gets better" campaign that Dan Savage started is a perfect example.  It was started as a reaction to the frightening rate of suicide among gay teenagers who were bullied - yet, it truly applies to anyone who is suffering at the hands of stupid stupid people that get their jollies out of making others suffer.

The first time I heard about this campaign, I immediately went on YouTube and looked up some of the videos and wept. The theatre community (did you know that there are gays in theater? Gasp!) has come out in droves in support as well with videos and monetary help to the Trevor Project, and now that Google has done a commercial -- I'm never going to be able to watch TV without crying again.

So, today I say -- It gets better..  thank you Dan Savage and thank you Google.

(warning: you'll need a hanky).

How NPR and Blue's Clues changed my life

Not actually my child

I think it was a combination of the stress of Tim - my partner - being away for a week and this amazing report I heard on NPR about parenting. The report was partly inspired by that new anti-Tiger-Mom parenting book by Bryan Caplan that's been getting a lot of attention - the one with the tagline “Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun than you Think.”

From what I've heard, the book is directed towards all the Type-A overachieving parents who obsess over educational toys and organic food and run their kids back and forth from violin practice to conversational French lessons....and the message to them is -- CHILL OUT!!

The thinking is that all this running around and over-scheduling, while intended to enlighten and enrich our children and help them grow into culturally sensitive little geniuses, ACTUALLY tends to make both kids and parents exhausted, stressed out and occasionally miserable.
But according to this book, even FURTHER reason to chill is that apparently, not only is all this stress no fun, but there is evidence which shows that all these trips to the museum and horseback riding lessons have NO major influence on how our kids turn out.

How can that be?

Well, on the NPR report, a pair of economists (who also happened to be parents) conducted a study on predictors for children's success as adults, and they found that -- get this -- parent's education, personalities, and income levels actually had very LITTLE proven influence on kids’ future successes. They looked at twins raised in different homes and adoption research, and it seems that genetics is much stronger influence than upbringing. In fact, the only major factors in childhood that were shown to have significant impact on children’s futures were these 3 things: 1 - smoking, 2 – drugs/drinking and 3- no, not organic veggies - LOVE.

As a Type-A overachiever myself and also a new mom, this message really hit me. My daughter is not even a year old, and I have already spent an unspeakable amount of time obsessing over types of plastic in baby items. And I shop at 3 different markets to find the right organic teething biscuits. And I never let her play with my phone or watch any TV for fear of radiation or brain damage. And I buy books about trucks and give her toy hammers and screwdrivers to play with in an attempt to endorse gender equality. I mean, I'm ALREADY exhausted and fairly convinced I’ve done irreparable harm by accidentally saying the F-word in front of her and letting her eat non-organic pizza that one time. And it's only just begun. I may have scoffed at the Tiger Mom's insanity, but I've already had it in mind that it's important that she learn to play an instrument and I would really like her to learn to speak a little French -- oh, and play chess of course. Not that I can do any of those things!

And WHEN exactly will she be a kid?

And if all of it turns out to be mostly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, WHY do it? Because becoming a glorified and underpaid event planner/chauffeur is what I had in mind when I decided to have kids?? Because it will make my children so happy?? What about spending time together as a family? What about watching a silly movie with no educational value? What about going out for fatty non-soy ice cream just because?

THESE are the kinds of things that make parents AND kids happy and the things that they'll likely remember.

Also not my children

The message is: stop spending so much energy trying to mold children into perfect human beings and start having fun. Because if you ARE the type of parent spending time and money on jujitsu and ballet lessons, then more than likely, you are ALREADY a parent who loves and cares for your kids!! And the good news is -- it turns out that that's all they need!! We don't have to work as hard as we think. And some of that hard work could be set aside for a little more FUN!

SO-- after thinking about all of this -- and after almost a week of full-time work and temporarily single motherhood – I was facing yet another afternoon outing with the baby that I needed to pack up for and I was feeling overwhelmed at the inevitable stress of simultaneously taking care of my daughter and getting us ready….And so -- inspired and relieved by this new information, I did something I said I’d never do. I turned on the TV and plopped her down in front of it. I found an episode of Blue's Clues and lo and behold, she was riveted. I was able to leave the room. I was able to pee by myself. I was able to pack up her food and diaper bag. I was able to get her clothes on and clean her face without her having a fit! I even wrote a few emails and wiped up the mess from breakfast. And I got us ready without feeling like an insane person.

And it felt GREAT.

Did one half-hour of basically educational children's television rot her brain and give her attention deficit disorder? Would one half-hour like that EVERY DAY cause irreparable damage? I really don't think so. And what it did do was give Mommy the chance to collect herself and take a breath – and thanks to NPR, NOT feel guilty about it.

Look, don't get me wrong. I don’t think the point is to say "screw it" to all our parenting values. I’m not going to start giving my daughter Froot Loops anytime soon, or skipping bedtime stories for cartoons, or buying non-organic milk (let's not get crazy!) I plan to still make sure she does her homework and doesn't spend her life on Facebook. And I will even put her in a few classes before I'm done.

But when she gets old enough, she can choose a class she likes… and if there's an extracurricular activity she really is NOT enjoying, she doesn't have to do it. If playing the piano 2 hours a day is something she HATES, and it's not proven to make her any smarter really -- despite what Tiger Mom's brainwashed children say -- then she won't have to do it.

What's the point if we aren't having fun? We all want our kids to grow up to be successful, sensitive, and smart people, but apparently, we are already doing a lot for them on that score, simply by being stable, healthy and conscientious people who love our children and treat them with love and respect -- something that a lot of children in this world sadly grow up sorely lacking.

So, my new motto is to have fun and cut down on the obsessing -- at least until a new study comes out that says that fun leads to low test scores....

This one's mine : )

I'm angry at myself and my husband

A few months ago I instituted another part to bedtime -- snuggling. My sister-in-law Kaye does it with her kids right before they go to bed. They curl up in one of the kids beds after story time, and they just snuggle in close and cuddle. Since Izzie is still in a crib, I can't really snuggle with her in the bed -- so, I hold her in my arms and we just say goodnight to our families and cuddle together with her blankey..

And now my husband has ruined it!

He liked the idea of snuggling.. so, he started doing it BEFORE brushing of teeth and story time.. and he did it in our bed! Izzie curls up with him in our bed, then they brush teeth, read stories, and then cuddle again in the chair. This seems totally counter-intuitive! The whole point of snuggling is to have that last moment cuddle before you slip off into dreamland.

My toddler loves his way of doing it. And I am really pissed by that! It was MY idea, he stole it and now she likes it better.... I've tried skipping it.. and she demands it, "SNUGGLE SNUGGLE" and runs off into our bedroom with her blankey. I've tried doing it last, right before sleeping -- but, she loves it so much that it causes strife between us rather than that sweet moment I was hoping for. Seriously.. why did he have to change things?? If you are going to steal the idea, at least do it right!

For the last 3 days Izzie has had a fever -- and I've gotten little to no sleep because she wakes up feverish. So, I'm sleep deprived AND worried that my little girl has something wrong with her (pediatrician says not to worry until a fever has run it's course for 4 days) AND since she has a fever, we can't take her to day care.. and since we live in San Diego, we don't have family that can come over and take care of her while we go to work AND I had to go to work today, couldn't switch my meetings -- so, Daniel took off work, but, what are we going to do tomorrow... I digress...

So, bedtime is going really well - and we are having a good time. I pick her up to snuggle on the chair -- and she pulls away and heads to the door, "SNUGGLE" she demands, she wants to go to our room. I try to reason with her -- but, she's 2! And I lose it. Mind you... I never raise my voice.. I am one of those Mom's who keeps her cool 95% of the time. I can, with all confidence, tell you I'm really good at that. But, I yelled... I was really upset. OVER SNUGGLING? Who am I? Why? I can't explain it -- someone else took over my body! It's ridiculous! I took her into our room and just held her ... she curled into me (after she stopped crying because i never raise my voice) .. I told her I was sorry.. and she patted my cheek. Do you think she forgave me?

Seriously, I feel awful. And I think I really need to get a little perspective here. It's snuggling for goodness sakes...